Police are searching for a phoney priest who conducted funeral services before making off from each with hundreds of euros left by mourners in the collection plate.

Father Marco, as he called himself, told genuine priests at a series of cemetery chapels in Sicily that he had been asked by the families of the deceased to carry out the service.

Dressed in a dog collar and full Catholic robes, the "priest" conducted the funerals helped by two "altar servers" who were his accomplices in the scam.

At the end of each ceremony the "servers" passed among the congregation with a collection plate, before making off with the cash.

The deception was uncovered after the real priest at the Rotoli cemetery, near Palermo, Father Giuseppe Calafiore, was asked by mourners why he had not taken the service himself.

The police said the trio had carried out the swindle at several cemeteries across Sicily, picking out their victims by carefully scanning newspaper death notices.

Giacinto Vaccarella, a police spokesman in Palermo, said: "They have struck at least half a dozen times. For all the targeted funeral services, the families had requested donations and no flowers." In the incident at Rotoli cemetery, police said more than €750 (£500) had been stolen. Officials refused to identify the victims of the fraud, who are understood to be very upset.

To add to the woes of those involved, the fake services are invalid in the eyes of the Church.

Fr Calafiore said: "I can't understand people who exploit the bereaved like this.

"A bogus ceremony has no religious significance at all, and needs to be carried out again – which just brings on more heartache for the families involved."

Daily Telegraph

Japan's single women are being offered the ultimate sleeping partner - a comfort to cuddle up to, but one which does not snore or make demands.

The Boyfriend's Arm Pillow, shaped like a man's torso with one sturdy arm, has been on sale since December and has so far been snapped up by 1,000 singles.

Manufacturer Kameo said the pillow's shape also keeps the body balanced.

One woman, Junko Suzuki, told AP: "It makes me relaxed... I can hold the arm and feel something warm at my side".

The pillow is only available in Japan, where it costs about 8,500 Yen (£40, $80), and is available in blue, pink or green.

Ms Suzuki, who is separated from her husband, says the pillow has other advantages.

"It keeps holding me all the way through. I think this is great because this does not betray me," she told AP.

If you are a man, how about this?

Go to: http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=zhqlmdrk5Ns&v2

People in England rate their satisfaction with life at an average 7.3 out of 10, Governmentresearchers reported yesterday.

Responses varied according to occupation, with professionals seeming happier than pensioners, unskilled workers and unemployed people. Financial security was one of the biggest causes of dissatisfaction among the 3,600 people polled for the Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs (Defra).

Almost three quarters (73 per cent) of respondents rated their life satisfaction at seven or more on a scale of one to 10. An average grade of 7.6 was given by respondents from the social grades A and B. These include professionals such as doctors, solicitors, teachers, nurses and police officers.

Satisfaction rates fell to an average of 6.7 for social group E, which includes casual labourers, state pensioners and unemployed people.

Phil Woolas, the environment minister, said: "These [figures] show that most people are generally satisfied with their lives. But … the most disadvantaged are clearly less satisfied with their circumstances than the rest of the population."

How happy are you?

Did you play the Ken Dodd video?

Sad Man

Those of you living in the UK will have read this week of the councillor in Bideford, Devon who has caused a furore, because she has another job - as a stripper.

Here is a typical press comment:

When it comes to serving her constituents, Liberal Democrat councillor Myrna Bushell goes further than most.

(London Evening Standard)

The married 34-year-old is now at the centre of a bitter party split which has seen three of her fellow Liberal Democrat councillors resign from the party.

Simon Hefffer has written this today in the Daily Telegraph:

LIB DEMS FIND STRIPPER TOO HOT TO HANDLE

How exciting for the people of Bideford in Devon, who have elected Mrs Myrna Bushell as a Liberal Democrat councillor.

It is quite clear that Mrs Bushell, a saint by comparison, should be in the House of Commons as quickly as possible to raise the tone.

Do you think that this is something that should be treated in such a light-hearted and jocular manner?

Or should we take it more seriously?

Do the private lives of our councillors and politicians affect the way they perform their public duties?

IS IT WORTH IT?

An aboriginal painting broke through the £1m barrier for the first time yesterday, with Sotheby's in Melbourne achieving double the previous record for a painting by an aboriginal artist.

The painting, called 'Warlugulong', which fetched A$2.4m (£1.02m), was by Clifford Possum, one of the best known of the aboriginal artists who were taught to paint on canvas in the early 1970's.

Mr Possum was born in a dried up creek bed, but by the time he died in 2002 he had been awarded the Order of Australia and received by the Queen in Buckingham Palace - where he famously wore a morning suit and painted sand shoes.

Painted in 1977 under the watchful eye of a BBC television camera crew which caught the artist sitting cross legged on the canvas applying the painted dots and circles so characteristic of aboriginal art, 'Warlugulong', is considered an icon of contemporary aboriginal painting.

In it Mr Possum tells stories of the desert. The central story takes place in Warlugulong, 200 miles north-west of Alice Springs. It was here, according to legend, that the two sons of Lungkata, the mythological Blue-Tongued Lizard man, killed a kangaroo.

But, instead of sharing the meat with their father in the customary manner, they ate it all.

In his fury, Lungkata started a bush fire which engulfed his sons. In the centre of the canvas the fire blazes, while to the right, two skeletons lie surrounded by clouds of smoke.

Around this scene are woven separate sacred stories, or 'dreamings' as they are known, with footprints marked to signify the journeys of their protagonists. The painting was the first in which an aboriginal artist had attempted to depict several such stories, like a map, in the western, topographical manner.

'Warlugulong' was originally bought in 1977 for A$1,200 by the Commonwealth Bank. In 1996 it was sold at auction where it brought A$39,600 (£20,000) from Australian art dealer, Hank Ebes, who was the seller yesterday. The buyer remains anonymous. Because of the painting's cultural and historical significance it unlikely that they would be allowed to export it outside Australia.

Well, do they, or don't they?

The debate has been going on for years, but the first Government-funded research into potential dangers caused by exposure to signals from masts has concluded that they are harmless.

Prof Elaine Fox, a psychologist from the University of Essex who led the research, said: "Our study leads to the conclusion that short-term exposure to mobile phone mast signals is not related to levels of well-being or physical symptoms in these individuals.

However campaigners and individuals who claim sources of electrical fields including masts can cause a syndrome called 'electromagnetic hypersensitivity' (EH) rejected the findings.

They pointed to what they said were serious flaws in the research – such as many of those who took part and who reported symptoms being excluded from the £500,000 study, and participants only being exposed for short periods.

Some researchers believe around four per cent of the proportion of the population suffers EH, with symptoms including fatigue, headaches, burning sensations and skin problems, because of exposure to electromagnetic fields.

Other scientists say there is no evidence.

Prof Fox and colleagues identified 56 people who claimed to suffer EH and 120 healthy volunteers to act as a control group.

Test subjects underwent three 50-minute sessions at least one week apart – one which simulated the exposure from a conventional mobile phone mast 150ft away, another simulating EMFs from a 3G mast and another during which there was no exposure.

Following the sessions, those taking part underwent physiological tests to measure heart rate, skin conductivity, which measures response to environmental stresses, sweat levels and blood volume pulse – a standard measure of nervous system response.

They were also asked to self-report on a scale from one to 10 any feelings of anxiety, tension, agitation, relaxation, discomfort and fatigue.

The tests were carried out under double-blind conditions, under which neither participants nor those running the experiments knew whether the signal was off or on during sessions.

Twelve of the 56 people in the EH group dropped out after their first session because they said they had serious symptoms.

Those in the EH group reported more symptoms and symptoms of greater severity regardless of whether the signal was on or off.

There were no differences in the physiological measurements when the equipment was switched on, except those in the sensitive group reported elevated levels of agitation and skin sweatiness.

The researchers said they believed this could be explained by a high proportion of EH group having been exposed to signals in their first session – meaning they were more likely to be agitated about potential symptoms.

The results were published online in the journal Environmental Health Perspectives.

Prof Lawrie Challis, chairman of the Government’s Mobile Telecommunications and Health Research committee, said: "This large and carefully designed study provides further evidence that signals from mobile phone masts do not produce harmful effects at least in the short term."

Alastair Philips, of consumer lobby group Powerwatch, said: "I don’t think this research tells us very much, other than that 50 minutes of exposure is inadequate for studying these effects. There are a number of methodology problems. Not having the most sensitive people in the study weakens it greatly."

Prof Fox is now planning to carryout a similar study on Terrestrial Trunked Radio (TETRA), the new emergency services radio system.

Casting directors at the BBC have been unable to find actresses for a new period drama because so few teenage girls can now speak with cut glass accents.

After unsuccessfully trawling stage schools and casting agents, the broadcaster has been forced to hold a public audition to fill lead roles for an adaptation of the classic children’s book Ballet Shoes.

Young teenage actresses wanting to play the two remaining lead roles must be able to dance, but crucially also speak with a clear, natural accent befitting a 1930s middle class family.

However Susie Parriss, the casting director, said the spread of so-called Estuary English, as spoken by presenter Jonathan Ross and singer Lily Allen, had meant they had been unable to find anyone suitable.

“We’ve been to drama schools, ordinary schools and children’s agents, but we still haven’t found the right girls,” she said.

“It doesn’t matter whether you go to public schools or comprehensives, children just speak common estuary now. That is the trend. But this story requires our leads to speak with a clear middle-class accent.”

Mrs Parriss added: “It is hard to teach a middle-class accent."

“We want the girls to be completely natural in front of the camera. There are already so many technical things that they have to learn.”

The 1936 novel by Noel Streatfeild tells the story of orphans Pauline, Petrova and Posy Fossil, who are adopted by an eccentric explorer and struggle to fulfil their dreams of becoming a ballet dancer, actress and aviator.

Victoria Wood and Richard Griffiths are among the adult stars already cast for the adaptation, which begins filming next month.

John Wells, emeritus professor of phonetics at University College London, said the spread of estuary English had been exaggerated, but the accents of different social classes had converged over recent decades.

“It’s bound up with social class and social strata," he said.

"The upper class and the upper middle class now feel under great pressure to be like those lower down the social scale.”

A DRAMA CLASS AT LADY MARGARET'S BOARDING SCHOOL FOR GIRLS:

Ticky: “That’s well outta order! There’s nuffink wrong wiv da way I tork, Miss. Amean, lessfaysit, ’oo speaks like dat any more – ’cept you, Miss.”

A new 'hotel' has opened at Gatwick Airport:

OK, OK, so this is a 21st-century hotel. But which 21st century? AD or BC?

I have never stayed in such a small space.

To read the amusing full article, go to:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/travel/main.jhtml?xml=/travel/2007/07/21/et-yotel-121.xml

What is wrong with saying "Pin Number"?

Probably nothing nowadays, as it is common usage.

However, the acronym PIN stands for 'Personal Identification Number', so that if you were really pedantic (like me), you would just say 'Pin', without the addition of 'number'.

It is the same with 'ATM' (cash dispensing machine). It is an acronym for 'Automatic Teller Machine' - so you should never say 'ATM Machine'.

But does anybody care?

Well, I do!

Has crime increased, or just the way we perceive it?

It may look like a spare tyre, but the makers of this one-wheeled scooter claimed yesterday that it will take Britain by storm.

The "Magicwheel" has no handlebars or brakes, can turn on a sixpence and reach speeds of up to 20mph.

"This is an ideal alternative for people who are used to riding skateboards, scooters, and roller blades," said Kevin Johnston, of Magicwheels.

advertisement

"It is much faster than a skateboard due to the sports wheel and it also goes further on each push of the foot. It will certainly get the user noticed."

Mr Johnston said the £120 wheel is easy to ride and even easier to manoeuvre.

"It would take the average person a few hours of practice before they are able to ride with both feet on the board.

"To execute a minor turning you just adjust your weight or if you want to change direction completely then put one foot down and spin around."

He added: "We experimented with having a brake and we found that it works better without one. To stop in an emergency you simply jump off and grab the handle or let it fall on the floor."

Many of you in the UK will have already seen this story, which was in the newspapers yesterday:

Pagans have pledged to perform "rain magic" to wash away a cartoon character painted next to their famous fertility symbol - the Cerne Abbas giant.

A doughnut-brandishing Homer Simpson now adorns the hillside above Cerne Abbas, Dorset, next to the giant.

The ancient chalk outline of the naked, sexually aroused, club-wielding giant is believed by many to be a symbol of ancient spirituality.

Many couples also believe the 180ft carving aids fertility.

The giant's obvious sexuality and virility was put to use in fertility folk magic.

Local women who wanted to conceive would spend a night alone on the hillside - most productively within the confines of his giant phallus, and young couples would make love on the giant to ensure conception.

The Simpsons character was painted next to the figure on Monday in a publicity stunt to promote The Simpsons movie released later this month.

It has been painted with water-based biodegradable paint which will wash away as soon as it rains.

Ann Bryn-Evans, joint Wessex district manager for The Pagan Federation, said: "We were hoping for some dry weather but I think I have changed my mind.

"We'll be doing some rain magic to bring the rain and wash it away."

She added: "I'm amazed they got permission to do something so ridiculous. It's an area of scientific interest."

'Different and unusual'

It is not the first time the giant has been used to advertise products. He has been used to promote items as diverse as condoms, jeans and bicycles.

Mike Webb, landlord of the New Inn in Cerne Abbas, said his staff were amused by the temporary addition to the village.

"I think it is different and unusual," he said. "We've not heard any complaints here so far, but I'm not sure many of the local people will know who Homer Simpson is."

During World War II, the Cerne giant was disguised to prevent the Germans from using him as an aerial landmark.

Since then he has always been visible, receiving regular grass trimming and a full re-chalking every 25 years.

P.S. Why has Homer kept his Y-Fronts on?

On 22nd June this year, on this blog, I posted a story entitled "A Ring that Says "No, Not Yet", about a girl who was taking her school to the High Court, because she was not allowed to wear a chastity ring.

The article provoked 14 comments.

Now the case has come to court - and the schoolgirl has lost.

Here is a newspaper report:

A school that banned a teenage girl from wearing a "purity" ring to symbolise her opposition to sex before marriage did not discriminate against her religious beliefs, the High Court ruled today.

"Workers are so jaded after weekends of late nights that they return to the office with "sleep debt" equivalent to a night flight from New York, it was claimed yesterday.

The recruitment firm Office Angels found in a survey that 51 per cent of workers said they slept for eight hours on a Sunday. Two thirds admitted returning to the office feeling cranky and unproductive.

Sleepy workers are thought to be costing £120 million in wasted wages, as staff each spend an extra 20 minutes a day dreaming and making coffee before settling down."

That sounds to me like a normal start to the day in many offices!

Standing 6ft 5in on its hind legs and tipping the scales at 19st 10lb, Samson could be a formidable opponent.

As Britain's biggest dog with a fearsome set of jaws to match, even the slightest growl is enough to make the bravest of postmen think twice before heading up the garden path.

At 50in high from head to paw and still growing, Samson, a Great Dane/Newfoundland cross is Britain's biggest dog

He boasts a 59in chest and a 29in neck, meaning he has to wear pony coats when it rains and has had to have an extra large collar fitted. The dog's paws are almost the size of dinner plates.

While Samson's awesome build is impressive enough for a fully grown dog, this huge hound is only three years old and will grow even more.

Julie Woods, 54 and her husband Ray, 65, whose last dog was a small terrier, spend £60 a month on dried food and turkey legs for Samson and take him on four two-mile walks a day.

Mrs Woods, from Boston, Lincs, said: "He's a lovely dog whose bark is definitely worse than his bite. People are often intimidated when they first see him because he's about the size of a small horse and very quick.

"But he is so gentle and wouldn't harm a fly. He loves being patted and is very affectionate.

"When he jumps up on the garden gate, it's enough to frighten the life out of anyone."

She added: "To protect him from the rain we bought him a coat meant for ponies. Such a large dog getting soaking wet wouldn't smell very nice.

"He has also gone through two collars, they have to be specially made. His current one is becoming a bit tight so we'll have to buy yet another one.

"At the moment he is only three years old and we expect him to carry on growing over the next year or so. If he gets any bigger, we might have to move to a larger house."

Mrs Woods, who is unable to work after a stroke, and her husband bought Samson from an RSPCA centre when he was six months old. He was already well over 5ft on his hind legs and weighed 16st 2lb.

Mrs Woods said: "He came bounding over and pinned us both to the wall, even though he was little more than a baby. But we were smitten straight away.

"The other puppies were big but none of them came close to Samson. The staff at the RSPCA centre said they'd never seen such a large dog. He had been re-homed elsewhere before us but the owners were unable to look after him properly.They took him back when he tore their house apart one day while they were both at work.

"We've not had too many problems with him. He can be quite excitable at times but that's down to his age.

"The only problem is that he snores quite loudly - sometimes I swear I feel the house start to shake."

Samson is just over 2st lighter than the world's heaviest dog, a 22st English Mastiff called Hercules, from Massachusetts.

Later this month, Ikea Norway will let shoppers sleep overnight in one of its two Oslo warehouses, an operation that will last a week.

"It will be like an alternative hostel," said company spokesman Frode Ullebust.

"There will be the regular dormitory with lots of beds stacked up together. We will also have a bridal suite, with a round bed and a hanging chandelier, and the luxury suite, where customers can enjoy breakfast in bed," he said. Family rooms will also be available for parents and children to join into the Ikea fun. None of the guests will be charged for their stay.

Mr Ullebust said that, as far as he knew, this was Ikea's first foray into the hotel business. Every night, the 30 lucky few will be able to stack up on meatballs, Norwegian salmon and cranberry mousse, as Ikea is offering free dinner and breakfast at the usual canteen.

Whereas Brits may associate the Swedish furniture giant with screaming kids, traffic jams in the parking lot and an occassional riot when a new warehouse opens, it seems Norwegians see a trip to Ikea as the ultimate tourist attraction.

"Around 900,000 visitors come to visit Ikea during the summer holidays. It's more than one of the biggest attractions in Norway, the Holmenskollen ski jump, gets in one year," claimed Mr Ullebust.

"We have five Ikea stores in Norway, all situated next to the four biggest cities, which are all in the south in the country. We found that people from the north of Norway include a visit to Ikea as part of their holidays," said the spokesman. "The Ikea Hostel will make the destination complete."

Overnight stayers can check in to their new abodes from 10pm, an hour before closing time, but will have to be quick in the morning. "The shop opens at 10am so if they are lazy, people might get woken up by shoppers testing out their mattresses," said Mr Ullebust.

Customers will also be able to take their bedsheets home afterwards. "It's a nice souvenir," he added, "We will also give them bathrobes with the Ikea Hostel logo on, and some slippers, so they won't get cold at night."

I am taking a short break and there will be no further posts to this blog until Saturday July 14.

Please come back then.

Queen Elizabeth II visits Stirling Castle, the home of the Argyll and Sutherland Highlanders

But why is she looking so miserable?

Perhaps she feels intimidated by those fine Scottish soldiers.

There was a soldier, a Scottish soldier,
Who wandered far away and soldiered far away,
There was none bolder, with good broad shoulders,
He fought in many a fray and fought and won.
He's seen the glory, he's told the story,
Of battles glorious and deeds victorious.
But now he's sighing, his heart is crying,
To leave these green hills of Tyrol.

Because these green hills are not Highland hills
Or the Island's hills, they're not my land's hills,
As fair as these green, foreign hills may be
They are not the hills of home.

PUSSY RETIREMENT HOME

When your pussy becomes old and tired perhaps you should consider sending him/her to a retirement home, where he/she will be pampered for the final years of life.

I am not sure whether there are such establishments in the UK, but there certainly are in the United States.

Here are some details from the brochure of "Palms Meow", a retirement home for cats in Fort Lauderdale, Florida:

Our Mission: To provide high quality care for your cat in a tropical South Florida setting whether it is for short/long term boarding or for life-long care.

Life long planning ensures that a cat owner will know exactly where their cats will live, what services their pets will receive and that all their needs will be cared for through the placement of their cats at Palm Meow, Inc.


TV Room

Entertainment

Gourmet Food

I LOVE LITTLE PUSSY

I have long preferred plain dark chocolate to milk or white. I just like the bitter taste and find the others too sweet and bland.

Dark chocolate is also supposed to be better for your health and I was interested to read this article yesterday:

A team of German scientists concludes that a little dark chocolate could offer a much more attractive way for people with slightly high blood pressure to achieve small cuts, compared with traditional low fat diets that can be hard to stick to over the long term.

Many earlier studies have been sponsored by chocolate manufacturers. However, Dr Taubert said yesterday: "We had no contact with any chocolate manufacturer (chocolate is not too expensive)."

Tea is rich in antioxidants, but you will not get the full benefit by dunking a teabag in a mug.

You should use a teapot and brew for around 5 minutes.

The traditional way of making tea in a pot is healthier than dunking a bag in a cup, according to scientists.

"If you left it any longer than that it didn't really increase the levels very much and it didn't really make a difference if it was tea bags or tea leaves."

Tooth fairy inflation has leapt by 500 per cent in the past 25 years.

Over the same period, the cost of living has risen by 150 per cent.

Research amongst children has found that the going rate for the average lost tooth is £1.05, compared to 17p when their parents were young.

According to the study, today's youngsters could net £21 from their wobbly teeth.

About one child in 12 gets £2 a tooth and tooth fairy inflation is close to the rise in house prices.

Few people will be implementing the smoking ban that came into force yesterday with less enthusiasm than the Queen.

Although she has consented (she had no choice) to have "No Smoking" signs erected in the public areas of Buckingham Palace to comply with the new regulations, she has made it clear to courtiers that she would have preferred to continue to offer visitors the use of ash-trays rather than outlaw the practice.

"HM is is a confirmed non-smoker but she is also a great libertarian and has no time for political correctness," said one of her courtiers.

"She has always made cigarettes available to her guests. I might add that she also refuses to wear a hard hat when she is out riding and she refuses, too, to wear a seat belt when she travels by car."

"No Smoking" signs are already up at the entrances used by members of the public when they receive honours, but there will be none at those used by the Queen, members of the Royal Family or their senior aides.

"She has agreed to comply, but can't bear the Governme