I am taking a break from the computer for a short while.

Back in 2007

SOUTH KOREANS OFFERED CASH FOR NO SEX

Male workers who vow to stay away from prostitutes after year-end celebrations in South Korea are to be rewarded.

The Ministry for Gender Equality is offering cash to companies whose male employees pledge not to pay for sex after office parties.

Men are being urged to register on the ministry's website. The companies with most pledges will receive a reward.

Officials say they want to put an end to a culture in which men get drunk at parties and go on to buy sex.

Would it work here?

Lord God of Commerce , let’s be bold--
Christmas is greatly oversold !

I do not wish , without good reason
to step outside the human race
and denigrate the festive season
by pulling such a mournful face

But Lord God of Time , I give a cheer
that Christmas comes but once a year.

On this special day, I would like to thank all those of you who have regularly visited my three main blogs during 2006.

I am very grateful for your loyalty and comments.

My main interest is in "poemsandprose" but, regrettably, that seems to receive the lowest number of "hits".

I do hope, however, that you have found something of interest, and occasionally humour, in my various postings.

For 2007 may I wish you "Everything you wish yourself".

Warm regards to you all.

Colin (kendrive)

SANTA: "And what would you like for Christmas?"

CHILD (open mouthed and horrified): "Didn't you get my E-mail?"

Following my comments the other day about the most popular names for children, a newspaper reader has written the following letter:

ALL IN A NAME

Douglass MacDonald, Ilford, Essex

He does have a point, doesn't he?

A doctor holds the tiny foot of a new born child, weighing just 630 grams, at a hospital in Shanghai

WHAT'S IN A NAME?

I think most people when naming their baby today would avoid the conjunction of the two names in my title - as it is a euphenism for a part of the male anatomy.

Interestingly, Thomas is the second most popular boys' name in 2006.

John comes in at number 75, which was a bit of a surprise to me.

It is well beaten by Mohammed - 22

Here are the top 10:

1 JACK
2 THOMAS
3 JOSHUA
4 OLIVER
5 HARRY
6 JAMES
7 WILLIAM
8 SAMUEL
9 DANIEL
10 CHARLIE
11 BENJAMIN
12 JOSEPH

I note that there are several biblical names there.

If you want to see the full list of the top 100 over the past 5 years, go to:

http://www.statistics.gov.uk/specials/babiesnames_boys.asp

And the girls?

I will give those to you tomorrow - but I can tell you that "Skye" is there.

Now, I always thought that was a man's name - as Skye Masterson in "Guys And Dolls".

Do you watch the Queen's Christmas day Speech on TV, or listen to it on the radio?

It is officially "The Queen's Message to the Commonwealth" and, for many years, it was as traditional a part of the British Christmas as roast turkey and Christmas pudding.

However, audience numbers have declined over recent years.

In an attempt to popularise and personalise the message, the Palace has decreed that a shortened version will be sent to every mobile phone in the land.

So watch out for yours!

SCOTS TROOPS MUST SHARE THEIR KILTS

Soldiers in Scotland's new "super regiment" have to share kilts because of a shortage of the ceremonial dress.

The Royal Regiment of Scotland has 5,000 soldiers but just 320 kilts, just one for every 15 men.

The kilts are worn during ceremonial or public duties.

The shortage comes after the Army decided to end its 150-year association with Borders-based kilt makers Robert Noble, which has produced military tartan since 1850.

The Army has put to tender a £1 million contract for the new kilts. It has received 320 "trial" kilts but will not receive a full set until 2008.

An MoD spokesman said: "A planned deployment will be agreed with the Royal Regiment of Scotland on a roll-out basis with two battalions of kilts made by May 2007 and the full programme completed by January 2008."

The new "super regiment" was formed last August. It saw the merger of the Royal Scots, the King's Own Scottish Borderers, the Black Watch, the Argyll and Sutherland Highlanders, the Royal Highland Fusiliers and the Highlanders.

A shortage of underwear would not pose a problem though!

Yesterday I mentioned the invented black festival of 'Kwanzaa'.

But what is it?

Kwanzaa is a week-long Pan-African secular holiday primarily honouring African-American heritage. It is observed from December 26 to January 1 each year, almost exclusively in the United States of America.

It features activities such as candle-lighting and pouring of libations, and culminates in a feast and gift-giving.

But is it a genuine authentic celebration, or another instance of blatant commercialism?

Ron Karenga created Kwanzaa in California in 1966, during his leadership of the black nationalist United Slaves Organization in order to give African Americans an alternative holiday to Christmas.

He later stated, "...it was chosen to give a Black alternative to the existing holiday and give Blacks an opportunity to celebrate themselves and history, rather than simply imitate the practice of the dominant society."

In 1967, a year after Karenga proposed this new holiday, he publicly espoused the view that "Jesus was psychotic" and that Christianity was a white religion that blacks should shun.

However, as Kwanzaa gained mainstream adherents, Karenga altered his position so as not to alienate practicing Christians, stating in 1997 that "Kwanzaa was not created to give people an alternative to their own religion or religious holiday.

Its popularity has spread and Kwanzaa is now celebrated by more than 2% of all Americans.

It has received official mention by George W. Bush who, in his 2004 Presidential Message, said "During Kwanzaa millions of African Americans and people of African descent gather to celebrate their heritage and ancestry."

In 1997 the first Kwanzaa stamp was issued by the United States Postal Service

Inevitably, at least in the United States, popularity brings commercialism.

It's now easy to find Kwanzaa cards, wrapping paper, books, and other products.

There is even a Kwanzaa Barbie!

Have you received any Christmas cards with the above message.

If you have, the chances are that they have been sent from the United States where, for many years, the use of the word "Christmas" has been seen as politically incorrect.

Now, however, things may be changing as Walmart, the country's largest private employer, re-embraces Christmas in its advertising, restoring the word to its merchandise and piping carols through its stores.

Not for religious reasons, of course, but because they faced losing business.

It was forced into its rethink last year when the Catholic League, a powerful lobby group, organised a boycott because Walmart was promoting the Jewish holiday of Hannukah and the invented black festival of 'Kwanzaa', but not Christmas.

When the company told a meeting of 7,000 store managers in the autumn that it planned to refer to Christmas "early and often", the room erupted with cheers, a spokesman said. "We believed it was the right thing to do. Our customers and staff have told us they are very glad we did it."

And it is spreading - At Seattle airport, officials reinstated 14 plastic Christmas trees last week after they were inundated with calls complaining about their removal after a rabbi threatened to sue the airport.

Christian organisations promoting public displays of Christmas this year have drawn solace from a new consumer poll that found 95 per cent of Americans were not upset by "Merry Christmas" — but 46 per cent took offence at "Happy Holidays".

A child holds a weapon belonging to his father during a protest in Baghdad

A report for the Department for Education and Skills has said that that pupils should be encouraged to learn Mandarin, Russsian, Arabic and Urdu - and the study of foreign languages should be compulsory in primary schools.

What about teaching them to read, write and speeak good ENGLISH first?

Motorists who use their mobile phones while driving could soon face jail, under reforms announced yesterday.

A wide range of offences including tailgating, tuning a car radio or applying make-up while driving may also be reclassified as serious offences following proposals unveiled by the Crown Prosecution Service.

Offences classed as serious enough to warrant imprisonment include overtaking on the inside, jumping a red light, reading a map or a newspaper, lighting a cigarette or turning to look at a passenger.

Under the changes in the law expected by next September, motorists who cause death on the roads could face prosecution for manslaughter and ultimately life imprisonment.

"U.N. DOWNGRADES MAN'S IMPACT ON THE CLIMATE"

That was the headline in one of the Sunday newsapers.

For a long time I have doubted the causes of 'Global Warming' and have said that it is just a natural cyclical event.

Now it seems that it is about to be officially confirmed.

"Mankind has had less effect on global warming than previously supposed", a United Nations report on climate change will claim next year.

The UN Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change says there can be little doubt that humans are responsible for warming the planet, but the organisation has reduced its overall estimate of this effect by 25 per cent.

Perhaps this extract from a paper presented yesterday at the University of North Carolina will make it all clear!

Paleoclimate records show that abrupt climate changes happened repeatedly during the past 100,000 years. Regional temperature increases of up to 15 degrees Celsius may have occurred in just a few decades or even a few years around North America and Europe.

Because astronomical changes are readily predicable, it is in principle possible to anticipate long-term (centennial to millennial), large-amplitude abrupt climate change events in the future.

Now you know!

Are you keeping up with the Jones's?

When I visit friends nowadays I notice that their TV screens - LCD or Plasma - are getting bigger and bigger.

I remember, back in the 1950s, when 12" was considered ostentatiously large.

But, as television screens get bigger... so do electricity bills

Plasma TVs use much more power than their cathode-ray tube predecessors - and boy do they push out the heat! You won't need central heating if you have bought a very large one.

The Energy Saving Trust sys that plasma televisions which are 50% bigger than their cathode-ray tube equivalents "consume about four times more energy".

However, modern LCD screens use a similar amount of power to bulky old CRT televisions.

So the message is clear - buy LCD. I have.

And, since you ask, mine is 32"

HOW TACKY CAN YOU GET?

This is the Nativity, celebrity style - as staged by Madame Tussaud's Waxworks in London.

The scene was criticised as both a new low in the cult of celebrity worship and preposterous blasphemy.

It depicted (note the use of the past tense) Victoria and David Beckham as Mary and Joseph with Kylie Minogue as a pert-buttocked Angel of the Annunciation, and - contentiously - President Bush, the Duke of Edinburgh and Tony Blair as the Three Wise Men.

Unfortunately (?), you will be unable to see it.

The display was open for only a few days before a religious protester decapitated Posh and knocked over Becks on the grounds of 'waging a war against crap'.

Somehow I don't think it will be repaired, unless there is overwhelming public demand.

Following on from Tuesday's blog, here are some more "Calendar Girls" (and boys).

Something for everyone!

CHEEKY
(Girls from The Oakley Hunt)

CLUB TIE?
(Stirling County Rugby Club)

EVERYTHING'S COMING UP ROSES
(Highworth Traders)

NOTHING SUCKS LIKE AN ELECTROLUX
(Urban Housework)

SWEET PUSSY
(The Farm Calendar)

SIX BUNS IN THE OVEN
(Urban Housework)

THE SUNDAY PAPERS
(Highworth Traders)

One covered in roses!

It is a little known fact, but Britain has one of the world's highest number of reported tornadoes, for its land area, of any country in the world.

In less than a minute yesterday, a quiet London suburb in north-west London was devasated when a tornado roared through the streets.

One house was flattened and up to 150 others were damaged as the 130mph winds took the roofs off houses and bought trees down on to cars in an area covering around a quarter of a mile.

Not much by US standards I suppose - but frightening for those who experienced it.

Fortunately nobody was killed, but six people had to be taken to hospital.

However, hundreds of people were left homeless and last night dozens of families were being housed in hotels.

Here is Matt's slant on the subject

The earliest recorded tornado in London occurred in 1091 at St. Mary le Bow and four 26 ft rafters from the church were driven into the ground with such force that only 4 ft protruded above the surface

More than 600 houses (mostly wooden) were also destroyed.

Here is an artist's impresssion of that incident:

FLATULENCE DIVERTS PLANE

A passenger jet was forced to make an emergency landing after a woman lit matches to hide her flatulence and concerned passengers reported the smell of burning.

The American Airlines jet, flying from Washington to Dallas, was diverted to Nashville where all 99 passengers and five crew left the plane while it was searched. A bomb sniffing dog located spent matches in the cabin.

After "lengthy questioning" by the FBI the unidentified Dallas woman admitted lighting the matches to disguise odour she said was caused by an unspecified medical condition.

She was removed from the plane and the flight continued without her.

"She was trying to conceal body odour," said a spokesman for Nashville International Airport, adding that there was no malicious intent but the woman's actions had violated airline rules.

The woman was not charged and later boarded another flight home.

Police in New Zealand, frustrated by a rural "grapevine" that tips off drunken drivers whenever checkpoints are set up, are taking to the roads in ice cream vans playing 'Greensleeves'.

A spoksman said that the standard practice of using unmarked cars to catch offenders was no longer working because drivers recognised the vehicles that the police force used.

"It is pretty easy to tell what an undercover police car looks like," he said. "If we have to be sneaky to catch these people then we will be.

The subterfuge came to light after a parent complained that children had been upset when they approached an ice cream van to buy a cornet.

"They were scared because there was a big, burly policeman in the back".

Note:

Before that, the term "pig" had been used as early as the mid-1500s to refer to a person who is heartily disliked.

Is it going too far?

This trend for nude calendars, I mean.

The picture above is from a 2007 calendar produced by a firm of butchers. (Just one lady I see.)

It all began when some members of Rylestone branch of the Women's Institute launched their famous nude calendar to raise proceeds for leukaemia research in 1999.

Since then we have had firemen, policemen, gardeners, army wives, football teams, chefs, doctors - even vicars.

The list goes on.

But which charity do you think this calendar supports?

It is 'SASY' which stands for 'Stop Animal Suffering Yes!'

It is an all volunteer organization dedicated to the eradication of animal abuse and suffering in Costa Rica!

This is a subject I have visited before.

The Queen is becoming less posh!

I think she has been watching too much "East Enders" and is moving down river from Belgravia and Mayfair into Essex.

Soon she will be in "Estuary Land", moored at Sarfend pier.

A scientific study of Christmas broadcasts to the Commonwealth since 1952 suggests the royal vowel sounds have undergone a subtle evolution since the days when coal was routinely delivered to Buckingham Palace in sex.

By 1998 the Queen had become ‘definitely less upper class’

In 1952 she would have been heard referring to 'thet men in the bleck het'.

Now it would be 'that man in the black hat'.

Similarly, she would have spoken of the citay and dutay, rather than citee and dutee, and hame rather than home.

In the 1950s she would have been lorst, but by the 1970s lost.

So it continues - but is one bovvered?

One thinks not.

"A Merry Chriss-marss and a Nappay Noo Ye-ah to yew orl"

To relieve the monotony of their usual "rations", the crew of the International Space Station were last week served a gourmet meal, created by a French master chef.

Here is the menu:

MAIN DISHES:

Effiloché de volaille en Parmentier (shredded chicken Parmentier)

Dos d'espadon façon Riviera (Riviera style swordfish)

Volaille épicée, sauté de légumes à la Thaï (spicy chicken with stir-fried Thai vegetables)

Cailles rôties au Madiran (quails roasted in Madrian wine)

Magret de canard confit, condiment aux câpres (duck breast confit with capers)

SIDE DISHES:

Carottes de sable au goût d'orange et coriandre (sand carrots with a hint of orange and coriander)

Céleri rave en délicate purée à la noix de muscade (a light puree of celery with a hint of nutmeg)

Caponata (tomato, aubergine and olive dip)

DESSSERTS:

Gâteau de semoule de blé fine aux abricots secs (semolina cake with dried apricots)

Morceaux de pommes fondantes (apple fondant pieces)

Far de l'espace Space (a Brittany 'far' tart)

Rice pudding aux fruits confits (rice pudding with candied fruit)

There appears to have been no starter and a crew member complained - "We have no doubt that it would taste much better if we had some wine with it as well!"

It is hoped that in the future such meals will help men and women on long-term missions, for example to Mars, to survive for 1,000 days in space by raising their spirits as well as providing nourishment.

It sounds better than the standard 'meals on wheels' delivered to pensioners in this country!

A Welsh postman who was suspended from his round for telling customers how to opt out of receiving junk mail has caused a widespread revolt across the country.

New figures show a huge increase in the number of households who added themselves to the Mailing Preference Service register in August and September.

The register, which blocks junk mail to customers' homes, has now received more than three million requests for junk mailings to be removed, with more than 100,000 people adding themselves to the register in both July and August.

A spokesman for Postwatch, the mail delivery consumer watchdog, said yesterday that the revolt against junk mail had been directly triggered by Roger Annies, the Welsh postman.

Mr Annies was suspended in August after delivering his own leaflet telling customers how to opt out of receiving junk mail.

At the time of his suspension, Royal Mail said that it needed the lucrative delivery contracts in order to compete.

To stop ALL junk mail you have to do two things:

(1) To opt out of receiving unaddressed mail you have to ring a helpline number 08457 950 950 to receive a form - or write a letter to Royal Mail Door to Door Opt Outs, Royal Mail, Kingsmead, House, Oxpens Road, Oxford, OX1 1RX.

(2) To opt out of addressed junk mail contact the Mailing Preference Service, www.mpsonline.org.uk, or telephone 0845 703 4599.

A final comment.